I am trapped in a magnetic hole.
The place is dark and empty but full of endless Murmurs.
That any movement I make causes roars.
I try to minimize my mobility to avoid the Murmurs' attention,
so I gradually integrate myself into this ghostly society alongside Murmurs.
This invisible surrounding gives me faith.
It is the Murmurs who give me hope of life and destruction.
Murmurs Doctrine:
Murmurs are always right.
Failure is fate, not because of self.
The Murmurs are subject to discipline that prayer cannot easily change.
Unlike other Murmurs, I feel I am inside a bubble.
The bubble keeps me adrift,
but it also contains me and gives me the space to build my belief,
while preserving my curiosity.
I am used to observing the Murmur's society,
then finding ways to negotiate with them.
Instead of owning a sense of self,
I am constantly being taught by their doctrine.
However, my bubble is too fragile.
I don't want to increase any possibility of destroying myself,
if the bubble bursts.
This is my last shelter.
Nevertheless, I still don't feel any big difference from others.
I pray for my faith.
I wander around and suddenly notice a faint glow in the distance.
Out of curiosity, I chase the light and then realize,
ohh, that is my hope.
As I walk, I tug.
I am getting closer to the light.
I feel the tension between the two sides; which is right?
Is it discipline, which I’ve been taught to believe,
or is it something I’d rather believe in uncoerced?
I was used to being a Murmur, but I was not born that way.
I didn't need light to live because I had never known it existed.
Even if a faint ray shines on me,
I cannot help but work harder to chase it.
The light draws me away from the Murmurs whom I had believed before.
Yes, I walked out.
I stand at the edge of the hole and watch,
occasionally feeling like I would be sucked back into the trap.
I look out into the distance again,
and seeing these surreal holes are all over.
I have been groping, groping.
What does the world I had fallen from look like?
So, I dive into that magnetic hole again.
Is it black, white, void, or what else?
I lost myself in the darkness.
There is a long and inviolable pole I see from a distance,
being approached by ghosts.
It is sacred, upholds by prayers,
gradually becoming an indelible "belief,"
constantly growing at will.
We are like two magnetic poles, seemingly identical but vaguely repulsive,
as I am standing in the darkness, watching ghosts gather.
We used to be so much alike.
So, I jump into the jungle,
and pretend to worship with your spiritual faith again.
I want this pole to destroy, liberate ghosts and give free souls back to them,
and let themselves become their faith.
I couldn't do it because I had no equal power to confront,
but at least I could live for myself.
I begin to grow,
grow without a need to become faithful to someone else's beliefs,
and I don't care what you think of me.
I am who I am, so what can you do to me?
I was attracted to you in the past because I was like you somehow.
Still, we are different because I already have become the brightness.
Light will approach souls informed by hope.
Yes, I am the brightness.
I have already become the brightness.
I always like to stand at the edge of the hole and watch the blackness.
I see an endless tunnel.
The deeper the tunnel, the less light it has.
I can feel the souls occasionally hovering at the mouth of the tunnel,
who continue yet to keep some of their distance from me.
I know they like light because they are shadows.
Otherwise, why would they come up to this place?
I can save these souls from trouble.
They need light, freedom, and peace.
But before I catch them, they are lost in the endless tunnel.
I'm trying to seek 我 (my shadow) to understand the souls,
so I dive into the tunnel.
I see 我 am building a nest and sealing itself in the dark.
I want to save myself, so erode its shackles.
I am righteous.
我's plight is only temporary.
Trust me, and I will save you in the end.
I begin to think about my relationship with 我.
I envy 我 in a moment.
Does 我 need me to save it?
我 enjoys comfort and doesn't seem to need my salvation.
I might ruin 我.
I continue to rescue and turn to be hypocritical and selfish.
It doesn't matter if 我 is stuck in there or not.
I want the shackles to fall off to finish my job as soon as possible.
I am the fake hero, the savior of disguise.
I thought my greatness would save souls from trouble.
But these are my obsessions.
When the shackle bursts into ashes,
a ray of light sunshine into the endless tunnel,
yes, it is time for me to go to the brightness.
I used to think I was the light,
so I could take it for granted to save struggling souls in the tunnel.
However, I just belong to the light.
It is my curiosity that led me here.
The world of light is a free kingdom.
The boundaries are infinite.
There are so many unknowns waiting for me to explore.
The light saves me but also increases my fear.
I'm stuck in a giant cage now.
I saw 我 am coming toward me with a smile,
and I start the cycle again.
I was used to believe the Murmurs Doctrine about the "truth" of life.
But I am always attracted by those flashes of dim lights in the dark,
that encouraging me to grow secretly.
As more and more light shone on me, I could feel my energy grow stronger,
and began to be hyper-cynical about the Murmurs whose growing in the dark.
They are entangled and greedy, more about blaming others.
Wishing to have everything but do not make any changes from either side.
I realized that they also like the brightness but just dared not take their step.
I came to the brightness after I escaped from the dark.
I always like to explore the boundary between the darkness and the brightness.
I was tired of my previous life, my shadow, because it constrained me.
So I chased the light to follow the freedom.
The darkness stores my energy to burst;
the brightness gives me new birth to life.
However, it is my shadow always stands by me,
and gives me the most support to aspire forward.
I am who I am because of my shadow.
I met so many different souls on this journey.
Murmurs are like me before, so I always want to save them selfishly.
The darkness controls me too much, and I still can’t reconcile with him.
Moreover, I drew more energy from the brightness, made me aware of self,
built my confidence, and then let me grow my shape.
However, whether I am standing on the bright or dark side,
my shadow is always behind me.
I couldn't help getting rid of myself as I couldn't live without it.
This is all about my memories at Cranbrook.
I appreciate the time here.
Truly thanks for your existence that makes my life meaningful.
I love you, I love you all, my dear friends.
I question myself whether I would always belong to this light?
I saw 我 coming toward me with a smile,
and we start the cycle again.
Is it black, white, void, or what else?
